Love Note #3: How to Rebuild Connection After a Difficult Season

A Real Guide for Couples Ready to Heal

Every couple goes through a season that shakes them.

Sometimes it’s the quiet distance that creeps in while you’re both busy holding everything together.

Sometimes it’s the arguments that start small but roll into something bigger.

Sometimes it’s the moment you look at each other and think,

“How did we get here?”

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re in that season right now — the one where love feels present but hard to access… like you know it’s still there, but buried under the laundry, the deadlines, the misunderstandings, the unspoken hurt.

We’ve lived through these seasons too. The world doesn’t always give us space to be soft with each other. We’re expected to be strong, to push through, to handle everything. But love needs softness. Love needs intention. And sometimes, love needs a reset.

This is the guide we wish we had when our connection cracked — the steps we took to rebuild something stronger, sweeter, and more intentional.

1. Give Each Other One Daily Marble Moment

When our marriage felt strained, we didn’t have the emotional bandwidth for “big fixes.”

What we did have was the ability to notice one small good thing a day.

He replaced my windshield wipers before the rain hit.

I grabbed his favorite snack on the way home.

He hugged me in the kitchen just a second longer than usual.

I told him, sincerely, “I appreciate you for real.”

We started honoring those moments with marbles — tiny acknowledgments that said:

“I see you. I feel your effort. We’re still choosing each other.”

One small moment a day became the bridge back to us.

2. Start With Gentle Gratitude

When tension is high, gratitude feels like pouring warm water over a knot.

Not forced. Not performative. Just gentle - calming.

It can sound like:

“Thank you for staying patient with me lately.”

“I know we’ve been off, but I’m grateful you’re still here.”

“I appreciate how hard you work for our family.”

Gratitude doesn’t erase the conflict, but it creates the safety needed to talk about it.

3. Reopen the Little Conversations

When connection breaks, deep conversations feel too heavy.

So start small.

Talk about the show you’re watching.

A memory that made you smile.

The joke your coworker cracked that you couldn’t wait to share.

Music — especially music.

Those little conversations warm the room.

They remind you of who you are together.

They remind you that you like each other before you get back into why you love each other.

4. Add One Weekly Ritual

One ritual.

Not five.

Not a whole relationship overhaul.

Maybe it’s tacos on Tuesday.

A walk after dinner.

Phone-free Friday nights.

Or adding a few marbles to your Love Jar every Sunday and talking about the moments that mattered.

Rituals anchor you.

They whisper, “We’re building something again.”

5. Give Your Hearts Permission to Be Soft Again

In Black love, softness is a revolution.

We are allowed to be vulnerable with the person who holds our heart.

We are allowed to be tender, emotional, unsure, healing.

Rebuilding connection isn’t about pretending nothing happened.

It’s about choosing to stay open while you grow back toward each other.

It’s about creating a love you can see — one moment, one marble, one day at a time.

If you’re in a difficult season, you’re not failing.

You’re human.

And love isn’t asking you to be perfect — just intentional.

And that’s exactly what The Love Jar was created for:

a simple ritual to help couples see their progress, honor their love, and reconnect with intention.